Over the years, I’ve received numerous inquiries about how I manage to get my children to consume nutritious foods. Initially, dealing with picky eaters was a challenge for our family. I was on a quest to establish better eating habits and promote family meals.
Upon reassessing our family’s approach to food (and through trial and error), I devised some “food rules.” This shift in our perspective on food and eating, along with increasing my children’s involvement, has proven to be effective for us.
If you’re struggling with picky eaters, start by examining your family’s view on food. Providing a range of foods can help instill good eating habits. However, having some guidelines around food and meal times can help transform their eating behavior. Additionally, it can make the time spent together at the table more enjoyable!
Why Do We Have Picky Eaters?
Parents often assume that their kids won’t eat or like certain foods—even without the children expressing any complaints or trying the particular food. There’s a notion that “kid-friendly” foods like chicken nuggets, sandwiches, and pre-packaged snacks are the only acceptable choices. Consequently, we hesitate to introduce different foods out of fear that our children won’t accept them.
When a child’s diet predominantly consists of such foods, they miss out on essential nutrients from a diverse, well-rounded diet.
I have also observed that the attitude we impart to our children about food is as crucial as the food options we present. Having visited other countries, I’ve noticed a significant contrast in how children interact with and behave around food.
I believe the kinds of foods marketed to and prepared for children in the US need to be altered. Yet, altering the way our kids (and we!) perceive food is equally vital.
7 Tips to Help Overcome Picky Eating
As I realized that our family’s attitude towards food needed adjustment, I started embracing practices from different cultures. My French relatives, for instance, consumed a wide array of foods, didn’t exhibit picky eating habits, and maintained a healthy weight naturally. I began incorporating these concepts with my children, resulting in remarkable changes.
These are what I call our “Food Rules,” although the term is slightly misleading. They are not rigid guidelines that complicate meal times. Instead, these are principles on how children should conduct themselves in food-related scenarios. These “rules” are best taught by example and implemented as a family, rather than imposed authoritatively.
1. No Complaining About Food
In our household, individuals are not permitted to complain about food. This doesn’t mean they are required to eat at every meal. However, expressing negative opinions about food is discouraged.
The primary role of food is to nourish us, not merely to entertain us. This is a crucial lesson to impart to children. Furthermore, complaining about food is impolite to the person who prepared it, and it showcases a closed-minded stance. A disparaging remark about a particular food can quickly spread and is challenging to rectify, especially with multiple children. Therefore, it’s preferable to prevent this behavior altogether!
No one is compelled to eat if they are not hungry (refer to Rule #6). Nevertheless, everyone must gather and engage with a positive attitude. Individuals exhibiting a negative demeanor can excuse themselves to prepare for bedtime.
2. Food Is Not a Reward (or Punishment)
To foster a neutral perspective on food, I refrain from using it as a reward or punishment. I aim to prevent my children from forming emotional ties with food. Remember, the primary purpose of food is nourishment, not entertainment.
Many of us (myself included!) have emotional connections to specific foods or feel inclined to consume certain items in emotional circumstances. How often have you reached for a snack when feeling sad, stressed, excited, or bored?
This behavior is recognized as emotional eating. I strive to avoid this aspect with my children, particularly with the escalating rates of childhood obesity. Thus, it’s crucial not to establish an association between foods (particularly unhealthy ones) and emotions.
To that end, I avoid using food as a bribe or reward for good behavior (though I’m not flawless in this regard!). I also refrain from emphasizing specific foods on birthdays or other special occasions. Instead, I focus on creating experiences. For example, we might visit the zoo instead of having a birthday cake and sugary snacks.
In a similar vein, I do not characterize foods as a punishment or relate them to punishment. I would never say, “You must consume your asparagus, or you’ll face consequences.” While I disallow my children from complaining about food (refer to Rule #1), any negative behavior is disciplined, not the action linked to the food.
3. Eating Is a Positive Family Activity
Eating meals together as a family at the dining table has become less common. However, it is immensely beneficial for everyone in the family! The habit of eating on the go or while watching TV contributes to negative sentiments about food. Hence, I make a concerted effort to dine together as a family (especially for breakfast and dinner) whenever feasible.
Everyone approaches the table with a positive frame of mind (see Rule #1). If they choose not to eat, they can still partake in the conversation. This fosters our family time and shifts the focus from mere eating to bonding.
During our meals, I strive to engage in tranquil conversations to diminish stress at the table. We discuss things we are grateful for or anecdotes that brought us joy. This atmosphere encourages slower and more mindful eating, enhancing their well-being by reducing mealtime stress.
4. Get Kids Involved
Involving children can significantly boost their interest in food, especially new varieties! Kids of all ages can actively participate in the process. Their involvement provides them with a sense of ownership to try new foods. Besides, they acquire the skills to plan and cook meals for when they are on their own!
Since my children were little, as young as 2 years old, I engaged them in various ways. Whether at the grocery store or farmer’s market, we discuss different foods and have them select new items to try. I make it a point to elucidate why some foods are more nutrient-dense and how they benefit the body (see Rule #7).
Kids can assist with meal planning, food preparation, table setting, and cleanup. I recommend my friend Katie Kimball’s course, Kids Cook Real Foods, which offers age-appropriate learning modules, including a mini-course for younger children. It proves to be an excellent resource for averting (or resolving!) picky eating.
5. Try, Try Again
In our household, everyone partakes of the same meal at each sitting. Children are not provided with distinct “kid-friendly” foods. As soon as they are capable of consuming solid foods, they are served small portions of what the rest of us are eating. This setting encourages them to partake in what’s being served and helps deter mealtime battles. When introducing an unfamiliar or new food, I do so casually without much fanfare. I present it with a positive outlook, assuming they will partake.
They receive a single modest serving of each dish offered (e.g., one green bean, one spoonful of sweet potatoes, and a piece of chicken). Once they finish a bite of each, they can request more.
If a particular food is disliked or not requested again, I comfort them. I clarify that it’s acceptable as long as they make an effort to try it each time. I explain that someday (in their adulthood), their taste preferences might alter, and they might develop a liking for the food. They are not compelled to consume copious amounts of food they do not favor. Nevertheless, I serve it periodically and set the expectation that they continue trying it.
6. Hunger Is OK
We perceive hunger positively in our household and refrain from constantly rectifying it. I have encountered individuals who have lost their innate sense of hunger due to incessant access to food.
Feeling hungry before a meal is natural and expected. Slightly hungry children tend to be more cheerful and adventurous eaters during mealtimes. Hence, I restrict snack times and ensure they occur well in advance of meals. Continual eating is unnecessary.
Natural hunger at meal times encourages children to consume the meal served and motivates them to eat sufficiently to avoid hunger shortly after. Simultaneously, a child lamenting and excused from the table to prepare for bedtime (see Rule #1) swiftly learns to adopt a more positive attitude. It has never taken my children longer than two evenings of missing family dinners to exhibit an improved outlook.
7. Focus on Nutrient-Dense Foods
I observed that my mother (and the French populace at large) consume lesser quantities of superior-quality food. They relish it more and obsess about it less (generally speaking). To streamline the implementation of all the aforementioned “rules,” I concentrate on preparing nutrient-dense, wholesome foods from scratch. Our diet comprises bone broth, raw cheeses, homemade sauces (with butter or cream), high-quality meat, eggs, and egg-based dishes such as hollandaise sauce on a daily basis.
My children receive a balanced meal following the consumption of an omelet loaded with meat and vegetables, topped with hollandaise. Gaining beneficial fats instead of a bowl of cereal.
While time-consuming, I value home-cooked, nourishing meals. I cook from scratch most days but also engage in batch cooking over the weekends. This strategy saves time and gears us up for the week. Since the children are involved (refer to Rule #4), it saves me time now that they are older.
Revamping my family’s outlook on food has been a gradual process but one that is undeniably worthwhile in transforming picky eaters into healthy eaters! As you embark on this journey, remember that you are the prime role model for your children. They observe your food-related interactions and reactions. Soon, picky eating will become a thing of the past!
Is picky eating a concern in your family or are your children enthusiastic about trying new foods? How do you cope with picky eaters? Feel free to share your insights below!